February 2008
Understanding Men by David Murrow 
(excerpts from the book "Why Men Hate Going to Church")
Adjusting the Thermostat - Part 1
Every church has a spiritual thermostat. Where it is set will determine whether that body attracts or repels men. Here are six common settings found in today's congregations:
The three settings atop the thermostat represent the methods of Jesus. Christ confronted the religious, and He comforted the needy. But He challenged everyone else. Challenge was the Master's default setting. That was why men loved Jesus: men love to be challenged. But Jesus hated the bottom three settings - and so do men. These were favorites of the Pharisees.
If a church wants to reach men, its bread and butter must be challenging people to follow Christ. Challenge is men's love language. Should churches comfort people and confront them as the need arises? Absolutely, but these cannot be the modus operandi. A church too focused on comforting or confronting will repel men. Churches focused on ceremony, control, or conformity will do even worse attracting males. We'll go around the dial for a description of each setting, covering three of them this month and the other three next month.
Thermostat Set on Comfort
Rick Warren calls these family reunion churches, and he estimates about 80 percent of America's congregations fall into this category. The greatest commandment in comforting churches is be nice. The pastor's job is to keep the peace. Keep 'em happy and in the pews. We please God by getting along with each other, living a decent life, and being a family of God.
A church based on comfort focuses inward on the family that meets within the walls of the church. The pastor can preach a challenging sermon, but not too challenging, or people will become uncomfortable. Barna Research found that only half of America's churchgoers frequently leave the worship service feeling challenged to change.
Men have a hard time in comforting churches because they feel smothered. It's Velvet Coffin Christianity. Everything is so easy. So sweet. So nice. Nothing great is asked of men, so that is what they give - nothing.
Thermostat Set on Ceremony
Push the thermostat past comfort, and you find ceremony, an extreme form of comfort. We please God by performing certain rituals. Familiar sacraments, prayers, and traditions are the keys to a successful worship service. The true (yet unspoken) purpose of church is not to change the world; it is to preserve tradition.
Rituals and tradition are deeply meaningful to some men, especially those who grew up in high churches. But most liturgical churches do a pitiful job reaching unchurched men, who are drawn to the practical rather than the mystical.
Even nonliturgical churches can become ceremonial. I heard of a Baptist pastor who was nearly fired when he failed to offer an altar call after his Wednesday night message. Never mind that everyone in the small crowd was already a Christian. Any church can become fixated on its particular ceremonies.
Thermostat Set on Conformity
Conformity is a form of control, though not quite so invasive. In conformity churches everyone is expected to do the same things, read the same version of the bible, practice the same spiritual disciplines, hold the same political beliefs, and on and on.
Rod Cooper asks, "Have you ever played Nintendo? That's a conformity environment if there ever was one. There are certain rules and you had better follow them. If you don't, you're immediately punished. You may lose points; you may lose a 'life.' Lose enough lives and you're done - game over. The Pharisees would have loved it!" Men will not thrive in a Nintendo church environment, full of pitfalls, gotchas, and other traps. Christ came to liberate men, not crush them.
Read the other articles in this issue:
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