June 2007
Understanding Men by David Murrow 
(excerpts from the book "Why Men Hate Going to Church")
What Biology Teaches Us About Men - Part 1
Men's brains are different from women's brains; so say scientists. Men also have different levels of certain hormones than women. These biochemical dissimilarities cause the genders to behave differently on the job, at home, and in school. But the differences are particularly striking in church. This month we'll discuss the hormonal differences between the genders; next month we'll cover how their brains are different.
Hormonal Differences Between Men and Women
Men have much more testosterone than women do. It makes men aggressive and more apt to take risks, causes their legendary interest in sex, and sparks the drive for independence. And men are not able to check their testosterone at the church door. It makes it hard for men to sit still. And the classroom format of Sunday school, with its emphasis on sit still, be quiet, read, memorize, and verbalize, ensures that boys will not do as well as girls. About Sunday morning, one man said, "Men can't sit still that long. It's why they want to be ushers - at least they get to move around." Some suggestions?
- Friendly, physical competition for men and boys. Many churches avoid all forms of competition because it creates winners and losers. But boys need friendly competition to motivate them. A more active worship environment with friendly competition would help men and boys.
- Reinvent Sunday school. Create a more active alternative that meets in a gym or large room for a highly kinetic worship and teaching experience where kids play games, sing silly songs, run around, and learn about Jesus.
- Intermission. If worship service is longer than sixty minutes, consider inserting an intermission.
- Physical activity. The next time you're planning a conference or retreat, be sure to include lots of physical movement and activity.
While men have more testosterone, women generally have more serotonin, a specialized hormone known as a neurotransmitter. It calms people down. So women are naturally more self-controlled, less aggressive, and less prone to violence than men. It also allows them to handle conflict differently from the way men do. Men get mad; women get even.
Consider how conflict and anger play out in church. Do conflicts get settled like men? Of course not. Most Christians would view a fistfight among believers as terribly unchristian behavior. Even a sharp public exchange of words is considered a horrible failure, something to be avoided at all costs. So when conflict does come, 99 percent of the time the conflict is handled the feminine way, allowing it to simmer just below the surface. The battling parties are polite in public but vicious in private.
Men can't handle this. When a man gets drawn into a church conflict, his brain tells him to fight it out, clear the air, and move on. Consider these conflict management suggestions:
- Deal with conflict decisively, and don't allow it to fester. Speak the truth, even if it hurts. It's often better to lance the boil and let the healing begin
- Not all conflict should be handled in secret, especially if it affects the whole body. Bring the differences into the open whenever possible.
Read the other articles in this issue:
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