October 2009
Understanding Manhood:The Traits of Driven Men
(excerpts from "The Ultimate Men’s Ministry Encyclopedia" by Jim Grassi )
It’s a disease that affects most men in the world and especially in America. This disease is almost imperceptible because, oddly enough, its one that is encouraged and applauded by virtually every culture in the world that promotes and rewards individual and corporate success. Its symptoms usually appear when a man comes to that place in his life when he realizes that he can no longer keep all the plates of his life spinning any longer, and is afraid that they will all come crashing down on him. It’s called being “driven.”
According to Dr. Jim Grassi, author of the Ultimate Men’s Ministry Encyclopedia, men tend to measure life by how successful they are and are driven to steer clear of failure at any cost. It is the cause of numerous emotional and physical problems in men who have no idea that they are on a road that leads to cultural success, but often no true sense of fulfillment or satisfaction. As one writer puts it, “men are driven so they can spend money they don’t have on things they don’t need in order to impress people they don’t even know.” It’s a sad day when a man wakes up one morning and realizes that he has spent the best years of his life chasing a lifestyle that hasn’t paid-off. This realization can cause a man to lose motivation, focus, and even become depressed.
However, an effective men’s ministry can help men identify the symptoms of this debilitating disease before it takes its toll. Dr. Grassi lists traits or characteristics of driven men that are important to know as we seek to help men live lives that are honoring to God and useful to the kingdom:
- Fatigue: Men are tired. Most men struggle by trying to put 20 pounds of expectations and activities into a 10-pound bag. The tyranny of the urgent has created much stress for many men. Many men are exhausted, stressed, fatigued, slammed, and weary of the numerous duties and responsibilities Christian men experience.
- Balance: Men lack biblical balance in their lives. “When I relax, I feel guilty,” is a confession many men make. Men find it hard to balance all the demands life puts on them. This country’s complex social/economic system allows little personal time for meditation, relaxation, and restoration.
- Depression: Many men are depressed. In his book, Blue Genes, Paul Mier states the following: “Upon reflection, men generally believe they could have done a better job as a husband and father. No amount of fame, fortune, or worldly success can ever be enough to compensate for failures at home.” Approximately, thirty percent of the participants in Men’s Ministry Catalyst men’s retreats and conferences acknowledge suffering from clinical symptoms of depression.
- Isolation: Most driven men are loners. Busy men often claim they have “no time” for relationships or accountability groups. Many loners pay the price for their isolation by finding themselves ensnared in pornography, affairs, or other destructive addictions. Driven men need to love and be loved—and that takes time. There’s no shortcut to building healthy, lasting relationships.
- Wrong focus: Driven men often equate success with the acquisition of stuff. God hasn’t called us to live by worldly standards. Earthly idols (e.g., money, titles, position, material possessions, beautiful homes, sports, hobbies, the praise of men, or the attainment of superior intelligence, etc.) will never fulfill man’s God-given need for significance. In Ecclesiastes 2:11, King Solomon ultimately came to the conclusion that after a lifetime of chasing after the things of this world, everything under the sun was nothing more than vanity, dust, and wind.
Do you know of any men who may be exhibiting these symptoms? If so, you may be able to help cure them of this deadly male disease by pointing to the only medication available: God’s Word. Strong doses of this prescription will help them get back on a life course that ensures true success-God’s way.
Read the other articles in this issue:
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