November 2009
Church Spotlight - Significant Interviews with Leaders of Men
“Men don’t have to like sports or be hunters or be physically strong or be tough or be rough communicators or spit. But they do need a clear identity as Eldridge describes and they need inner strength.”
Words of wisdom from Terry Box, philosopher, pastor, father of five, counselor, and budding author, Terry has a heart for everyone, but especially men, as they travel the masculine journey of their lives. This interview is somewhat longer than our usual interviews, but Terry’s insights into the heart and soul of a man are well worth reading.
MMC: Terry… what do you see as the key issues facing men in our society today?
Terry: A key issue to me seems to be a man’s inner strength and core identity. Hardship will not harm a man but living a lie will. Not standing up for what is right, not standing up for truth will harm him at his core. A man should not let himself be intimidated or pushed aside. He needs courage. He mustn’t back down. He needs to stand up. A man in a wheel chair can still have courage in this way. A poor man, an unemployed man can still have courage. I think the truest thing about a man is his inner strength. And it is what is most needed from him. A violent man is a poser. He has no strength. The outward show of force is a cover up. A loss of inner strength is at the heart of the issue. John Eldredge has some good thoughts on this (“Wild at Heart”).
MMC: How, in your opinion, does this issue impact how we minister to men? For men’s ministry and to attract men with our promotions we need to tap into and revive a man’s inner strength. The other things are important and masculine, but secondary. (risk, adventure, rough and tumble, protect, provide) There are natural masculine interests and traits but a man’s inner strength is more to his core. Not all the masculine interests are shared by all men, but the core is shared by all. Inner strength is required regardless of personality or “masculine” interests. It’s the common denominator. A professor, farmer, CEO, hunter, worker in a cubicle, military general can all be real men. They may all have different interests and different degrees of the traits we call masculine, but they all need and crave this inner strength and must display it in their world. In the movie “Gladiator”, Maximus had great inner strength. He knew the emperor’s son killed the emperor and he took action, without fear. He had to do what was right. His key assistant who was with him in battle also knew the son killed the emperor, but he did not make a stand. He stood by, and when the son (now acting as the new emperor) ordered him to have Maximus arrested and executed, he did it. He was a weasel. He should have made a stand like Maximus. His loyalty was misplaced. It cost Maximus the life of his wife and child. What a price to pay for doing what is right. The inner strength that Maximus displayed was more powerful that his physical strength and prowess on the battlefield.
MMC: Why is it that many men’s ministries go after the “warrior” aspect of a man? Why are men attracted more to football than to Jesus?
Terry: You asked why men like football more than Jesus, or what they find in football (sports generally) that they don’t find in Jesus or church or Christianity. Football is a show of strength. There is will and determination and power on display and it touches the desire a man has for inner strength. He can sense it and the sport arouses his desire for strength. It’s the outward show of what you feel inside. In football you seek to impose your will. A goal line stand or a short yardage run up the middle to score are examples. Fans love that battle. It’s the image of Wild At Heart’s statement “let them feel the weight of who you are.” And players honor each other. After a good game there is mutual respect. They like a hard fought, fair contest. They do not like a game where the other team wilts, plays cowardly, lies down, gives up. Warriors like a worthy opponent. They respect them. Hunters like a worthy opponent and respect the animal they kill. It’s a guy thing. Christianity feels effeminate. Church has an effeminate tone. Women teach SS. We are to sit still and be quiet. Mind your manners. Turn the other cheek. Jesus is meek and mild. It’s the baby Jesus we celebrate at Christmas; he’s so cute. These are all feminine images. The fruit of the spirit seems feminine; love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness. And another thing that does not attract men naturally; Jesus is Lord. We don’t want to be subordinate.
MMC: Moving back to the ‘Inner strength’ aspect of a man, what is it that you feel can rob a man of his ‘inner strength?’
Terry: Emasculation is the worst thing for a man. From the movie Seabiscuit, “it’s better to break a man’s leg than break his heart.” Humiliated men have no outward strength. A demoralized team will not fight, no matter how much talent they have. You can walk all over them. As you watch a game you can see the mood swings and the momentum change on the court, the football field, the battle field. If one man will stand his ground others will follow. Inner strength is key to a man being a man and probably more important than other traits or interests we call masculine. Men don’t have to like sports or be hunters or be physically strong or be tough or be rough communicators or spit. But they do need a clear identity as Eldredge describes and they need inner strength. They need to know they have what it takes. They do need to know their name. And to be the leader and provider God has called him to be a man needs inner strength.
MMC: What kind of model does a men’s ministry, in your opinion, need to present to men?
Terry: There are men who speak up. Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Mike Rosen, Rev. Martin Luther King, founding Fathers. They don’t care what people think of them, they are strong, convinced, and men are drawn to that. Men want to be like that. There are men who took action. George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, General Schwartzkoff, Rudy Juliani, General Patraeus. John Elway would not back down. And you don’t always have to win, just be valiant, honorable. Do not compromise. We are drawn to men like these men. The Apostle Paul did not back down. He defended truth. He would take a beating instead of backing down. It isn’t the strength of the vision that matters. It’s the strength of the man. Wild At Heart says “let people feel the weight of who you are.” Don’t give up your heart.
Wise words from a wise man. In a time when many men’s ministries develop programs that appeal only to the ‘outer strength’ of a man, maybe we need to look deeper into developing the ‘inner strength’ that is characteristic of the true strength of all men.
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